She has a beautiful smile, but only if you look closer will you notice that the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. How many times did you pass her as you went about your daily routine and not see? She walks tall with long strides purposely looking you in the eye determined not to look down or shy away. She’s no longer in a dangerous situation however she needs help rebuilding her self-esteem so that she can reclaim her identity, hopes and dreams. From the outside things may seem normal but she’s carrying a secret; her new residence is at an undisclosed location. Her home is now a shelter. Shelters are more than just a safe haven. Shelters offer women leaving abusive relationships counseling and other support services to help them regain their self-esteem, learn new skills, and develop healthy relationships. As a result they are able to make better decisions and choices for their lives, which, encourages them to lead a life free from domestic violence.
According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics Uniform Crime Report (2005) domestic violence is an epidemic that occurs in the United States “every 15 seconds” and that “90% of men who abuse and women who stay in abusive situations learned the behavior in childhood.” It also indicates that one third of women will suffer abuse at the hands of their husband or boyfriend in their lifetime. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation reported 107 people died as a result of domestic violence in 2004. It is the leading cause of injuries for girls and women between the ages of 15 and 44. In Georgia domestic violence shelters received 70, 557 crisis calls in 2003. In 2004, shelters in Georgia served 4,814 women, and 4, 427 children.
DeKalb County with a population of 675,725 of which 51.5 % are female had the second highest violent crime rate in metro Atlanta. It experienced 23 deaths as a direct result of domestic violence in 2004 and averages 16,000 reports of domestic violence per year, but because the crime is severely under reported the likelihood of that number being double is extremely high. These numbers dictate that shelters do more to serve the women that come to them. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2005)
Women like Pam who blamed herself. She thought that if she did her best to make her boyfriend happy things would get better. Even the baby’s cries caused her boyfriend to lash out. Trying to placate him only resulted in a short halt in the abuse but eventually it escalated from verbal and mental abuse to physical abuse. Psychologists labeled Pam’s reaction as the “It’s My Fault” stage the first of four stages that have been determined women may go through. The other three are “It’s Your Fault But I’ll Help You”, “It’s Your Fault and I Hope You’ll Change” and finally “Despair”. Stage one is characterized by feelings that the abuse is a result of their failings or shortcomings. (Carlson, 1997)
In Pam’s case she had the added stress of being concerned about her child.
Domestic violence is a major contributor of injury and death in children. In the last 10 years there has been a 117% increase of injury to children as a result of domestic violence. (McConnell, 2000)
To break free from the “It’s My Fault” mentality Pam will be encouraged by the shelter to participate in individual as well as group counseling. Counseling will aid her in recognizing and accepting that she cannot take the responsibilities for another’s actions. This will be hard at first because even though the abuse slowly escalated from verbal to physical love is an emotion that cannot be automatically shut off. Recognizing this fact is important as the shelter strives to move her forward to a more positive state of being.
A model for this type of shelter is The Genesis facility in New York. There a “stage approach to healing, referred to as SAGE: Safety, Affect modulation, Grieving, and Emancipation” was implemented. (Madsen, Blitz, McCorkle & Panzer, 2003, p166)
The model does have an expectation of progress for its residents but it is still based on individual progress and not an expectation for all to progress at the same rate. This approach helps to give women a sense of encouragement and a desire to succeed.
In the Safety portion of the SAGE model families seeking shelter have access to one of 15 apartments in an undisclosed location with 24-hour protection. While at the shelter women are given help with filing protection orders, access to medical care as well as counseling. Genesis provides shelter for 90 days but it can be extended under certain circumstances such as unavailability of low cost housing. (Madsen, Blitz, McCorkle, and Panzer, 2006)
An example of this includes Shelly, who over the years Shelly visited the emergency room numerous times and her calls to the police were met with indifference. Family and friends tried to understand the daily fear Shelly lived with, many of whom offered her a place of safety. But Shelly feared being on her own and she depended on her husband for support for her and their children. One night after an evening of drinking her husband came home and began to beat her un-mercilessly in front of their 3 small children. This time during her visit to the hospital for treatment a nurse asked her a simple question. This question was the opening Shelly needed to finally make the break. When Shelly made the decision to leave she was put in contact with a local domestic violence hotline where she was able to move into a shelter right away. Once Shelly was safe and her medical needs taken care of Shelly was able to begin to take advantage of the numerous services offered there.
Susan Hadley, founder of WomanKind in Minneapolis said, “A woman may not acknowledge that she is living in an abusive situation. But she will always remember that she was asked. Knowing that the health setting is a safe place to return when she is ready may be the most valuable assistance that health professionals can provide.” WomanKind was founded in response to the high number of women coming through the emergency room at Fairview Hospital. Ms. Hadley’s program offers “training and education on domestic violence to healthcare providers as well as support, and referrals to battered women.” (Mycek, 2005, p 14)
The WomanKind program served as a model that was duplicated throughout the Fairview hospital system. It was eventually grafted into social services at the hospital but one important fact was clear women sought and received needed help.
Shelters aid in developing positive social skills, self-confidence, promotes self-esteem and character development. Shelters also provide access to life skills training such as job training and skills assessment as well as budgeting and money management. These services are sometimes provided through other volunteer organizations. In 2004 a non-profit organization called Fresh Start for Women, Inc. was founded to answer the growing domestic violence problem in DeKalb County, Georgia. The program provides a safe and supportive environment where women are able to share, learn and heal.
The program works within the shelter environment and the community at large to help rebuild self-esteem in women spiritually, physically and emotionally. Women are required to have been out of harms way for at least 90 days with a genuine desire to make a change in order to participate. The program is designed to offer several seminars including, Goal Setting, Developing Healthy Relationships, and Healthy Living as well as an intense quarterly retreat where women are taken out of the shelter environment to experience a weekend of renewal and empowerment.
Fresh Start for Women encourages women to reach higher than their present circumstances by accepting their past, realizing their present and focusing on their future. Workshops during the retreat help women to discover and use positive affirmations and develop roadmaps for future success. The Cycle of Violence Wheel developed by the Domestic Violence Project: Duluth, Minnesota is used by the organization as an important tool to aid women in recognizing the signs of violence; thus empowering them to take appropriate action to maintain their safety and sense of control.
Fresh Start for Women works toward giving their lives new meaning. Its purpose is to serve as role models to women of the endless possibilities regardless of current circumstances. Upon completion participants are invited to return as volunteers at future programs. Giving back in this manner continues the healing process and encourages new participants that it’s not too late; that there’s a lot more to life than that one chapter of their lives.
Is the program working? Since its inception Fresh Start for Women has witnessed women start new healthy relationships, some have remarried or married for the first time. Others have discovered hidden talents that they’ve been able to turn into economic self-sufficiency.
“Thanks to the Fresh Start program I've learned to stop beating myself up with a hammer but to use a feather instead”… Jackie
“Fresh Start helped me to forgive and set a new direction for my life”…Ynestra
Fresh Start for Women, Inc. works with shelters to aid in the healing process through physical, emotional, and spiritual means. They understand that today’s shelters have become a multi-layered service community environment for women seeking respite from danger. Shelters serve as a transitional place in which women are able to learn new skills, develop healthy habits and learn a more balanced way of life. It has become a place of transition where women are empowered and lives renewed free from harm. Fresh Start for Women helps re-enforce the steps needed to empower women. This allows them to have confidence in living a harm-free life and enjoying the benefits of making their own choices.
For those women that come to the shelter but return to the situation; the shelter stands as a beacon of light ready to help when the final decision to leave has been made. Yes, shelters are more than just a safe haven… they are HOPE because when women decide to return, it’s important for them to know a safe place and new life is waiting for them.
References
Carlson, B. E., (1997), A stress and coping approach to intervention with abused women. Family Relations, Retrieved January 5, 2006, from EBSCOhost
Krishnan S.A., Hilbert, J.C., McNeil, K. and Newman, I. (June 2004)
From respite to transition: Women’s use of domestic violence shelters in rural new
mexico. Journal of Family Violence. Vol. 19, No. 3,
Retrieved March 15, 2006 EBSCOhost database
Madsen, L.H., Blitz, L.V., McCorkle, D. and Panzer, P.G. (Summer 2003)
Sanctuary in a domestic violence shelter: A team approach to healing.
Psychiatric Quarterly, Vol. 74, No. 2
Retrieved March 15, 2006 from EBSCOhost database
McConnell, E.A. (2000), Myths & facts …About domestic violence, Nursing.
Retrieved January 5, 2006, from EBSCOhost database
Mycek, S. (2005) Domestic violence: The silent killer, Fairview hospital
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Bureau of Justice Statistics, (2005), Uniform crime report. Retrieved January 5, 2006, from www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/ Web site
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, (2005). Georgia Coalition Information,
Retrieved April 5, 2006 from www.ncadv.org Web site
