Developing Healthy Relationships

Fresh Start for Women closed out the 2006 year with its final seminar “Developing Healthy Relationships”. The seminar was held December 9th at the Collins Hill Library in Lawrenceville, GA and was facilitated by Ms. Cathy Williams.

The seminar was focused on providing information and tips on how to not only develop a healthy relationship but also how to improve an existing one. Ms. Williams began the seminar by giving all in attendance a short quiz that could be used to measure the type of relationship participants were currently in. It also provided useful tips for identifying areas of a relationship that might require improvement.

Ms. Williams explained that relationships are constantly changing and therefore requires attention and work to evolve as the relationship evolves. She stressed the importance of open and honest communication. Interestingly this communication requires heavy doses of listening as well as talking.

Because Fresh Start for Women works closely with former victims of domestic violence a great portion of the seminar was dedicated to providing participants with key elements that could serve as warning signs of an unhealthy or potentially dangerous relationship. The response to the seminar was so positive that it will be repeated again in the first quarter of 2007. Please visit the FSFW Calendar of Events for date and time.

Founder is Keynote Speaker

On October 19, 2006, founder Janice Pettigrew was the keynote speaker at the Concerted Services and Magnolia House 5th Annual Volunteer and Service Award Banquet in Waycross, Georgia. Magnolia House under the umbrella of Concerted Services Inc. is a shelter for victims of domestic violence serving a five county area.

Arriving early for the event Janice Pettigrew accompanied by her husband Oscar Pettigrew, Jr. had the opportunity to visit the Magnolia House, escorted by legal advocate Jill Nagel. Mrs. Nagel explained that the house is equipped to house up to 14 women and children with an average stay of six weeks.

“The things I was most impressed about were location, security and the warmth of the house” remarked Mrs. Pettigrew. Hidden in plain site is the best description and the safety precautions in place can only serve to assure women that the shelter is a safe haven for them during their time of need. The house itself is full of warmth and light that when you enter the main area it feels as if you’ve entered someone’s private home.

After the visit to the shelter it was on to the evening’s event held at a local church. There the Pettigrews met the acting shelter director Michele Girtman and other members of the staff as well as several volunteers prior to commencement of the activities.

Mrs. Pettigrew began her speech to the audience by first sharing a little about her own ordeals as a victim of domestic violence and how in later years it prompted her to start Fresh Start for Women. She proceeded to thank the volunteers and shelter staff for their generosity of time, money, resources and genuine support. Her speech provided insights into the thought processes a victim may go through and the important role volunteers and workers play in the healing process. She also reminded those in attendance that as long as women and their children are not safe the need for Magnolia House would remain and that ordinary citizens, law enforcement and the legal system to continue to be involved is crucial.

Though the speech was one of a serious nature Mrs. Pettigrew’s natural ability to weave a story to capture her audience’s attention brought smiles, laughter and a few amens as she encouraged all to continue to do the good they do. As she said many times throughout the speech, “Thank you is such a small thing to say, but it means so much more.”


After the banquet Mrs. Pettigrew, Jill Nagel and Michelle Girtman spoke about bringing the Fresh Start program to Magnolia House in April 2007.

United Way V. I. P.

Founder & Executive Director Janice Pettigrew and President Donna Shaw participated in the United Way V. I. P. (Volunteer Initiative Program) event held October 12, 2006. The event took place at United Way’s downtown headquarters. Fresh Start for Women and many other nonprofit organizations were available to share information about their organization, goals and strengths to potential board members and volunteers.

Noted Ms. Shaw, “We are looking to strengthen our board with members who can bring skills to the table that will allow us to grow and expand. The need for grant writers, legal expertise, counseling as well as experience or interest in marketing and public relations are tops on our list.”

Organizations in attendence also had an opportunity to discuss common interests and learn how through collaboration to better serve their communities. Persons interested in becoming a board member or volunteer for Fresh Start for Women should email contact@freshstartforwomen.org.

You are a Precious Jewel

"You are a Precious Jewel" was the brainchild of board president Donna R. Shaw, who had expressed a desire to have a positive impact on the lives of young girls in today’s fast paced society. With that thought in mind the FSFW program was redesigned with our young charges in mind. The goal being to provide an environment in which we could offer meaningful and constructive dialogue on how to avoid the pitfalls that could lead to domestic violence or other destructive elements.

The day long workshop was held Saturday September 9, 2006 at the Flat Shoals library in Dekalb County where the young ladies in attendance had an opportunity to openly discuss such issues as peer pressure, self-worth, self-esteem and goal setting.



The positive feedback received from the young ladies in attendance as well as many of the parents have encouraged us to make the “You are a Precious Jewel” a permanent part of our community involvement. Please continue to check the FSFW calendar for the next offering. Plans are in the works to turn the all day workshop into a full weekend event.

Career vs Job Seminar

On Saturday August 19, 2006 Fresh Start for Women hosted an informative seminar entitled ‘Career verses Job’. The seminar led by board president Donna R. Shaw helped to distinguish the difference between having a career and having a job. Interestingly the first item on the agenda regardless of whether you have a job or a career is to be on time. This was highly emphasized as the scheduled start time of the seminar was 1:30pm.

When attendees were asked to give their definition of a job there were many responses several caused everyone to pause and reflect. One young woman offered ‘journey of the broke’, to which many heads nodded in agreement. Ms. Shaw then shared the dictionary definition: A paid position of employment and service one has to do, a responsibility.For the next few minutes a lively discussion ensued regarding various jobs currently being held and the perception of what a career really is. The definition provided for a career was: An occupation, making a living, especially with opportunities for advancement or promotion, and progressive life.

Career verses Job truly brought home some facts many had not considered before. Once the comparison was made attendees received tips and information on how to change their attitude and thus make a change in circumstances. This seminar served as a beginning for those individuals looking to get and give more out of life. Ms. Shaw also recommended to the women several useful books to read and make part of their growing library among them: A is for Attitude by Patricia Russell McCloud a native of Atlanta.

Fresh Start for Women sponsors monthly seminars throughout the year with our goal being to continue to empower women from all walks of life; especially women who have suffered from the effects of domestic violence. Please check our calendar and make plans to attend one of the remining seminars for the 2006 year.

Yard Sale! Yard Sale! Yard Sale!

On Saturday July 22, 2006 Fresh Start for Women held its first ever
yard sale for charity. This was the brainchild of its newest board member Ms. Cathy Williams and with the help of Ms. Nikkeah Tibbs and founder Janice Pettigrew a fantastic time was had by all.


There were many great items to choose from including, toys, electronics, lamps and other household goods. Ms. Nikkeah Tibbs stayed busy serving up hot-dogs, hamburgers, chips and drinks as bargain hunters browsed for that special something.

Held in Lawrenceville thanks to the generosity of Mr. and Mrs. Copeland. Beth Copeland is the founder of another great ministry helping the community God’s People Ministry. Mrs. Copeland remarked, “I was delighted to be able to help a worthy organization earn funds for their program.”

With the yard sale being such a huge success plans are now in the works to hold a much larger joint event in October with Fresh Start for Women and God’s People Ministry. Be on the lookout for details in the coming months!!

Self-Defense: Being Aware of Your Surroundings

On July 15, 2006 at the Flat Shoals Library in Decatur Mr. Johnathon Jefferson conducted a free class in which women in the community learned ways to protect themselves as they go about their daily routines. “Many of the tips I learned I had never thought about”, said Ms. Laurinda Williams who brought her 10 year old daughter to the class as well.

Mr. Jefferson a Shaolin Disciple at the Liu Institute in Alpharetta, GA was invited to conduct the class by Fresh Start for Women board member Ms. Keisha Bassett. Mr. Jefferson expressed to the women the importance practice and the understanding that what he was sharing with them was to help empower them and to give them an opportunity to escape danger should they be confronted.

The women also received handouts with useful tips such as:

Vary your travel route

If suspicious of being followed go to a well populated and lit area and call for help

Check your car before entering, especially the back seat


Many wanted to know when Fresh Start would hold another class to which founder and Executive Director Janice Pettigrew responded, “We hold different seminars each month but with the overwhelming response to this class we’ll definitely have to see about offering it again.”


At the end of the class a drawing was held to give away some donated safety items including a home security system, a car imobiliser as well as a personal safety device for bike riders.


Ms. Keisha Bassett presented Mr. Jefferson with a certificate of appreciation for his time and effort in providing a needful class.

Shelters More Than a Safe Haven

She has a beautiful smile, but only if you look closer will you notice that the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. How many times did you pass her as you went about your daily routine and not see? She walks tall with long strides purposely looking you in the eye determined not to look down or shy away. She’s no longer in a dangerous situation however she needs help rebuilding her self-esteem so that she can reclaim her identity, hopes and dreams. From the outside things may seem normal but she’s carrying a secret; her new residence is at an undisclosed location. Her home is now a shelter. Shelters are more than just a safe haven. Shelters offer women leaving abusive relationships counseling and other support services to help them regain their self-esteem, learn new skills, and develop healthy relationships. As a result they are able to make better decisions and choices for their lives, which, encourages them to lead a life free from domestic violence.

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics Uniform Crime Report (2005) domestic violence is an epidemic that occurs in the United States “every 15 seconds” and that “90% of men who abuse and women who stay in abusive situations learned the behavior in childhood.” It also indicates that one third of women will suffer abuse at the hands of their husband or boyfriend in their lifetime. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation reported 107 people died as a result of domestic violence in 2004. It is the leading cause of injuries for girls and women between the ages of 15 and 44. In Georgia domestic violence shelters received 70, 557 crisis calls in 2003. In 2004, shelters in Georgia served 4,814 women, and 4, 427 children.

DeKalb County with a population of 675,725 of which 51.5 % are female had the second highest violent crime rate in metro Atlanta. It experienced 23 deaths as a direct result of domestic violence in 2004 and averages 16,000 reports of domestic violence per year, but because the crime is severely under reported the likelihood of that number being double is extremely high. These numbers dictate that shelters do more to serve the women that come to them. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2005)

Women like Pam who blamed herself. She thought that if she did her best to make her boyfriend happy things would get better. Even the baby’s cries caused her boyfriend to lash out. Trying to placate him only resulted in a short halt in the abuse but eventually it escalated from verbal and mental abuse to physical abuse. Psychologists labeled Pam’s reaction as the “It’s My Fault” stage the first of four stages that have been determined women may go through. The other three are “It’s Your Fault But I’ll Help You”, “It’s Your Fault and I Hope You’ll Change” and finally “Despair”. Stage one is characterized by feelings that the abuse is a result of their failings or shortcomings. (Carlson, 1997)

In Pam’s case she had the added stress of being concerned about her child.
Domestic violence is a major contributor of injury and death in children. In the last 10 years there has been a 117% increase of injury to children as a result of domestic violence. (McConnell, 2000)

To break free from the “It’s My Fault” mentality Pam will be encouraged by the shelter to participate in individual as well as group counseling. Counseling will aid her in recognizing and accepting that she cannot take the responsibilities for another’s actions. This will be hard at first because even though the abuse slowly escalated from verbal to physical love is an emotion that cannot be automatically shut off. Recognizing this fact is important as the shelter strives to move her forward to a more positive state of being.

A model for this type of shelter is The Genesis facility in New York. There a “stage approach to healing, referred to as SAGE: Safety, Affect modulation, Grieving, and Emancipation” was implemented. (Madsen, Blitz, McCorkle & Panzer, 2003, p166)

The model does have an expectation of progress for its residents but it is still based on individual progress and not an expectation for all to progress at the same rate. This approach helps to give women a sense of encouragement and a desire to succeed.

In the Safety portion of the SAGE model families seeking shelter have access to one of 15 apartments in an undisclosed location with 24-hour protection. While at the shelter women are given help with filing protection orders, access to medical care as well as counseling. Genesis provides shelter for 90 days but it can be extended under certain circumstances such as unavailability of low cost housing. (Madsen, Blitz, McCorkle, and Panzer, 2006)

An example of this includes Shelly, who over the years Shelly visited the emergency room numerous times and her calls to the police were met with indifference. Family and friends tried to understand the daily fear Shelly lived with, many of whom offered her a place of safety. But Shelly feared being on her own and she depended on her husband for support for her and their children. One night after an evening of drinking her husband came home and began to beat her un-mercilessly in front of their 3 small children. This time during her visit to the hospital for treatment a nurse asked her a simple question. This question was the opening Shelly needed to finally make the break. When Shelly made the decision to leave she was put in contact with a local domestic violence hotline where she was able to move into a shelter right away. Once Shelly was safe and her medical needs taken care of Shelly was able to begin to take advantage of the numerous services offered there.

Susan Hadley, founder of WomanKind in Minneapolis said, “A woman may not acknowledge that she is living in an abusive situation. But she will always remember that she was asked. Knowing that the health setting is a safe place to return when she is ready may be the most valuable assistance that health professionals can provide.” WomanKind was founded in response to the high number of women coming through the emergency room at Fairview Hospital. Ms. Hadley’s program offers “training and education on domestic violence to healthcare providers as well as support, and referrals to battered women.” (Mycek, 2005, p 14)

The WomanKind program served as a model that was duplicated throughout the Fairview hospital system. It was eventually grafted into social services at the hospital but one important fact was clear women sought and received needed help.

Shelters aid in developing positive social skills, self-confidence, promotes self-esteem and character development. Shelters also provide access to life skills training such as job training and skills assessment as well as budgeting and money management. These services are sometimes provided through other volunteer organizations. In 2004 a non-profit organization called Fresh Start for Women, Inc. was founded to answer the growing domestic violence problem in DeKalb County, Georgia. The program provides a safe and supportive environment where women are able to share, learn and heal.

The program works within the shelter environment and the community at large to help rebuild self-esteem in women spiritually, physically and emotionally. Women are required to have been out of harms way for at least 90 days with a genuine desire to make a change in order to participate. The program is designed to offer several seminars including, Goal Setting, Developing Healthy Relationships, and Healthy Living as well as an intense quarterly retreat where women are taken out of the shelter environment to experience a weekend of renewal and empowerment.

Fresh Start for Women encourages women to reach higher than their present circumstances by accepting their past, realizing their present and focusing on their future. Workshops during the retreat help women to discover and use positive affirmations and develop roadmaps for future success. The Cycle of Violence Wheel developed by the Domestic Violence Project: Duluth, Minnesota is used by the organization as an important tool to aid women in recognizing the signs of violence; thus empowering them to take appropriate action to maintain their safety and sense of control.

Fresh Start for Women works toward giving their lives new meaning. Its purpose is to serve as role models to women of the endless possibilities regardless of current circumstances. Upon completion participants are invited to return as volunteers at future programs. Giving back in this manner continues the healing process and encourages new participants that it’s not too late; that there’s a lot more to life than that one chapter of their lives.

Is the program working? Since its inception Fresh Start for Women has witnessed women start new healthy relationships, some have remarried or married for the first time. Others have discovered hidden talents that they’ve been able to turn into economic self-sufficiency.

“Thanks to the Fresh Start program I've learned to stop beating myself up with a hammer but to use a feather instead”… Jackie

“Fresh Start helped me to forgive and set a new direction for my life”…Ynestra

Fresh Start for Women, Inc. works with shelters to aid in the healing process through physical, emotional, and spiritual means. They understand that today’s shelters have become a multi-layered service community environment for women seeking respite from danger. Shelters serve as a transitional place in which women are able to learn new skills, develop healthy habits and learn a more balanced way of life. It has become a place of transition where women are empowered and lives renewed free from harm. Fresh Start for Women helps re-enforce the steps needed to empower women. This allows them to have confidence in living a harm-free life and enjoying the benefits of making their own choices.

For those women that come to the shelter but return to the situation; the shelter stands as a beacon of light ready to help when the final decision to leave has been made. Yes, shelters are more than just a safe haven… they are HOPE because when women decide to return, it’s important for them to know a safe place and new life is waiting for them.


References

Carlson, B. E., (1997), A stress and coping approach to intervention with abused women. Family Relations, Retrieved January 5, 2006, from EBSCOhost

Krishnan S.A., Hilbert, J.C., McNeil, K. and Newman, I. (June 2004)
From respite to transition: Women’s use of domestic violence shelters in rural new
mexico. Journal of Family Violence. Vol. 19, No. 3,
Retrieved March 15, 2006 EBSCOhost database

Madsen, L.H., Blitz, L.V., McCorkle, D. and Panzer, P.G. (Summer 2003)
Sanctuary in a domestic violence shelter: A team approach to healing.
Psychiatric Quarterly, Vol. 74, No. 2
Retrieved March 15, 2006 from EBSCOhost database

McConnell, E.A. (2000), Myths & facts …About domestic violence, Nursing.
Retrieved January 5, 2006, from EBSCOhost database

Mycek, S. (2005) Domestic violence: The silent killer, Fairview hospital
and health system, Minneapolis: Trustee. Retrieved January 5, 2006, from EBSCOhost
database

Bureau of Justice Statistics, (2005), Uniform crime report. Retrieved January 5, 2006, from www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/ Web site

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, (2005). Georgia Coalition Information,
Retrieved April 5, 2006 from www.ncadv.org Web site

Fundraising at Turner Field

Fresh Start for Women had an opportunity to work its first game at Turner Field on Saturday May 13, 2006. While fans enjoyed a game that had a little bit of everything board members and volunteers served ice cream at concession stand #105. The stand was manned by founder and Executuve Director Janice Pettigrew and board member Cathy Williams (pictured above).ARAMARK and Turner Field have a history of providing a unique way for non profit organizations to raise funds for their organizations. Said Janice Pettigrew, "with this being our first year we are getting a feel for how it all works and will determine just how beneficial this endeavor can be to our fundraising efforts. It's a great opportunity to have fun and make money at the same time." Fresh Start for Women will work 6 more games for this season and are excited about the prospects. Monies raised will go towards materials and supplies needed for the quarterly retreats as well as monthly workshops.

Founders Celebrate Volunteers

Fresh Start for Women, Inc. held its first annual Volunteer Appreciation Barbecue on Sunday April 30, 2006. It was hosted by the founders of the organization, Mrs. Janice G. Pettigrew and her husband Mr. Oscar Pettigrew, Jr., in their Ellenwood home. More than a dozen volunteers and their families were invited to a gathering of delicious food prepared and served by the founders. Not only were the volunteers able to enjoy some great food and renew acquaintances, they were also treated to massages provided by Mr. Jerill Riddles, a Georgia Medical Institute graduate in massage therapy.

In its 2-year existence Fresh Start for Women, Inc. has been able to affect the lives of more than 40 women, thanks in large part to the dedication and hard work of its volunteers. Volunteers have provided services such as manicures, pedicures, facials, printing services, graphics, cooking, photography and session facilitators, just to name a few. “Their willingness to serve makes my job easier,” said Mrs. Pettigrew, “It allows me to concentrate on helping women to become empowered and renewed as they transition from victim to victor. Women that attend the Fresh Start retreats are given the tools needed to begin the process of healing by accepting the past, realizing their present and focusing on their future. It is our desire that women learn not to be defined by the events of the past but to use them as a springboard to move forward to a brighter tomorrow.”

It is with that purpose in mind that Mr. Oscar Pettigrew, Jr., an ordained minister and counselor, serves on the advisory board of the organization and also provides his services for after care to the women who go through the Fresh Start program. Mr. Pettigrew has a unique prospective when it comes to domestic violence since he grew up the only male child with seven sisters. His first hand knowledge of the trauma that domestic violence can make on a woman’s life places him in a rare category, a man who really cares. “Having come from a broken home due to domestic violence, the exposure taught me to be sensitive to this particular epidemic and its affects on women, children and the community”, explained Mr. Pettigrew. In her own road to healing, Mrs. Pettigrew acknowledges just how instrumental his support was during the process. Together they are a team striving to instill a sense of peace and hope in the lives of the women that come to them.

Many of the volunteers honored on Sunday have gone through the Fresh Start program and afterwards wanted to do their part to help other women. Thus Fresh Start has developed a core group of volunteers to call upon. Volunteering is just another way of continuing the healing process. As long as domestic violence remains the problem that it is in our society, organizations like Fresh Start for Women, Inc. are needed and where else to find willing volunteers than from the ranks of those that have benefited. “Saying thank you to them in this way is the least we could do,” said Mrs. Pettigrew.

Terri Carroll & Fresh Start for Women, Inc

Gospel singer Terri Carroll announced her newest partnership March 26, 2006 with Fresh Start for Women, Inc., a 501c3 organization that works to rebuild the self-esteem of women that have been victims of domestic violence. Said Terri, “I had the opportunity to minister to women last June at one of Fresh Start’s retreats and saw first hand the positive impact Fresh Start is making in women’s lives. I wanted to do something more than just share my own story and minister through song so I have pledged that a portion of the sales from my latest CD, ‘Holding Out 4 God’ will go to this worthwhile organization.”

Janice G. Pettigrew, Founder and Executive Director of Fresh Start for Women applauded Terri’s commitment to the organization’s mission and vision.

Fresh Start for Women, Inc. is a ministry of healing and renewal which provides a safe and supportive environment in which women are free to share and learn on the road to healing.
Fresh Start for Women, Inc. encourages women to reach higher than their present circumstances by accepting their past, realizing their present and focusing on their future. Said Janice, “We want women to understand and believe that one chapter of their lives does not define who they are. We can then re-direct them towards a more positive and brighter future. Our retreats and seminars are all focused on this goal.”

Terri’s debut album on CGI Records entitled “Terri Carroll” earned her two nominations at the 14th Annual Stellar Awards, no small feat for an artist coming right out the gate. Unfortunately CGI suffered bankruptcy but that has not stopped Terri. You can purchase Terri’s newest CD ‘Holding Out 4 God’ online at http://www.cdbaby.com/ or visit Terri’s website at http://www.terricarroll.com/.